After one of the more disastrous weeks in gambling history I have made a major decision. It is time for me to face reality, and that reality is that right now, a monkey with a dartboard has a better chance of picking winners against the spread than I do. That is why it is time for me to institute a new system for my picks. I call this system "The Costanza System." For those unfamiliar with Seinfeld, this basically means that every instinct I've had for the past two weeks has been wrong, so it's time to do the opposite. Now on to the picks.
Indianapolis at Houston (+6) - Time to put this system to the test right off the bat. It doesn't hurt that Houston was the last team to beat Indy in a meaningful game.
San Diego at Green Bay (+5.5) - This one kills me. At least it did until I realized that Norv Turner is probably a worse coach than backup running back Michael Turner. Could the Patriots have asked for an easier coaching matchup in their first game without cameras trained on the opposing sideline?
Minnesota (+2.5) at Kansas City - Every year I complain about having one of the last picks in my fantasy draft. Well now I can say, at least I didn't draft Larry Johnson.
Detroit at Philadelphia (-6) - Detroit beats Minnesota and Jon Kitna refers to it as a "miracle." I'm not sure I want to put money on a team that thinks beating the Vikings with Brooks Bolinger under center is miraculous.
Buffalo (+16.5) at New England - Instincts schminstincts.
Miami (+3) at NY Jets - This could be Chad Pennington's last game as a Jets starter. I'm sure it won't be long before Mike and the Mad Dog have Fireman Ed on for his take on the situation.
San Francisco (+9) at Pittsburgh - San Francisco is still pissed that Pittsburgh stole their mascot http://deadspin.com/sports/steely-mcbeam/the-new-steelers-mascot-is-fabulous-287640.php
Arizona at Baltimore (-7.5) - I wanted to write Kyle Boller looked like a real quarterback last weekend, but I had to turn off my auto correct feature in order to keep "real quarterback" from reverting to "turd sandwich."
St. Louis (+3.5) at Tampa Bay - 12 quarterbacks won't be enough for Chucky this week.
Jacksonville (+3) at Denver - 2 wins by a combined 4 points, this can't last forever.
Cincinnati at Seattle (-3) - If Cincinnati is able to bounce back after giving up 51 points to the Browns, Marvin Lewis gets my vote for coach of the year. I'm sure that will make him feel much better about last week's result.
Cleveland at Oakland (-3) - Cleveland's done, they wasted all this years points in Week 2. Not a lot of foresight on Romeo's part.
Carolina at Atlanta (+4) - Atlanta's due for some good fortune, right? Right? That's all I've got.
NY Giants (+3.5) at Washington - No matter how either team is performing at the time, these games are always close.
Dallas (+3) at Chicago - I know they're at home, but Chicago is favored in this game? They have scored 23 points this year and allowed 24. Now I'm no mathematician, but that doesn't seem like a winning formula to me.
Tennessee at New Orleans (-4) - Maybe everyone was a little quick to jump on the Saints bandwagon this year, but they're still a good offensive team, and this is the week they show it.
Week 2: 3-12-1