Frozen Humor Nine-One-Dumb, what is your emergency? Edition

What is our society coming to? LOL.

These are honest to goodness real nine one one calls and conversations, please enjoy, comment and vote.


Dispatcher: "nine-one-one, what is your emergency?"

Caller: " I'm trying to reach nine-eleven, but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it."

Dispatcher:" This is nine-eleven."

Caller:" I thought you just said it was nine-one-one."

Dispatcher: "Yes, Ma'am. Nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing."

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.


Dispatcher:"nine-one-one, what is your emergency?"

Caller:"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"

Dispatcher:"Is this her first child?"

Caller:"No, you idiot! This is her husband!"


Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Damn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No...
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.


Dispatcher: 911.
Caller: Help! Help! Send the police! I been shot.
Dispatcher: You said you've been shot?
Caller: I been shot!
Dispatcher: How many times were you shot?
Caller: This is the first time.


Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 911. What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I need to know what I can do about someone who came into my home and put boogers on

my wall.

Dispatcher: Did you invite this person into your home?

Caller: Yes, but I didn't give him permission to put boogers on the walls.


Dispatcher: 911. What is your emergency?

Caller: you have got people working in the school right now. And they've been working all night

violating the noise code over here.

Dispatcher: Sir, a noise complaint is not an emergency call. You'll have to call on the business line.

Caller: Well how about if I shoot them, would it be an emergency then?

Dispatcher: Sure would.

Caller: Alright.

[sound of 2 gunshots]

Caller: Hi, I'm back and I would like to report a shooting.


Dispatcher: 911. What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: [no response

]Dispatcher: 911. What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: [tentatively]: Hello?

Dispatcher: Yes, this is 911, can I help you?

Caller: You have the wrong number!


Dispatcher: 911. What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: Yes, I just wanted to let you know that I have some information that will help you

solve many of your cases.

Dispatcher: Okay, go ahead with that information

Caller: I am prepared to meet with the detectives and to reveal the true identity of

Cinderella's stepmother.

Dispatcher: [Pause] Okay.


Dispatcher: 911.

Caller: I am trapped in my house.

Dispatcher: Trapped? Is someone holding you there?

Caller: "Someone? No. But there is a frog on the front porch.

Dispatcher: A frog?

Caller: Yes, a frog.

Dispatcher: Okay, but what is preventing you from leaving the house?

Caller: I told you. There is a frog on the front porch and I'm afraid of frogs.

Dispatcher: And you don't have another door to the house?

Caller: No. There is only one door and I can't get out of the house with the frog sitting there.

Dispatcher: Why don't you take a broom and sweep the frog off the porch?

Female Caller: I can't do that. I told you, I am afraid of frogs. He might get me.

Dispatcher: Ma'am, this is not an emergency, I've done what I can. Have a nice day.

Again, enjoy, comment and vote and wonder what the hell our society is coming to.

FanPosts are written by community members. This is simply a way for community members to express opinions too long to be contained in a comment.

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