FanPost

Frozen Humor Darwin's Awards Edition


This Frozen Humor is dedicated to......wait for it.....Darwin's Awards as one can plainly see by the title. The idea of this comes from an esteemed member of our BBV community by the name Schofner85, thank him for this one it was a brilliant idea. Oh Schofner, you get 2 tundra points for this. Please vote, comment and enjoy.

1)
1999 Darwin Awards runner-up

Decades of armed strife has littered Cambodia with unexploded munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to tamper with the devices.

Three friends recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the southeastern province of Svay Rieng. Their companionable arguing continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded anti-tank mine found in his backyard.
He tossed it under the table, and the three men began playing Russian roulette, each tossing down a drink and then stamping on the mine. The other villagers fled in terror.

Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing the three men in the bar. "Their wives could not even find their flesh because the blast destroyed everything," the Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper reported.

2)
1999 Darwin Awards nominee

A 23-year-old painter in Scotland was known by his friends as "Death Wish" because of his reckless behavior, which included smashing glasses on his forehead and swallowing keys and glass. The police described him as "of good health physically but of low intellect." He was generally regarded as a bit of a fool, and probably resorted to such tricks in an futile effort to increase his social standing. Frequently, he would "swallow" a pool ball and then regurgitate it. The man had successfully performed this trick on many occasions by keeping the poolball at the back of his throat. This was possible because of the unique size of a pool ball.

One day, a typical day in many respects, he was seen consuming large quantities of draught lager. After closing time, the publican readmitted him to continue illegal drinking with his friends. As the evening dragged on, he was seen to place a cue ball in his mouth. He had done this so many times that his behavior did not cause any concern. But this time, he found himself in difficulties. His friends tried to intervene, but he ran out of the pub and collapsed in the street, and began to turn blue. Neither his friends nor an ambulance crew were able to save his life.

3)
1999 Darwin Awards nominee

A deadly explosion in the Philippines’ National Bureau of Investigation in Manila was initially considered to be a terrorist act.
But the ensuing investigation linked the event not to criminals, but to NBI agents smoking near a bucketful of TNT. The blast killed seven people, including the perpetrator, and demolished the NBI Special Investigation Division. Several grenades also exploded in the fire.

4)
1999 Darwin Awards nominee

A fisherman in Kiev, Ukraine, electrocuted himself while fishing in the river Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to the main power supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water.
The man then waded in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the fish.

In an ironic twist, the man was fishing for a mourning meal to commemorate the first anniversary of his mother-in-law’s death.

5)
1996 Darwin Awards nominee

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building’s windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength, according to police reports. Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-person association.

6)
1996 Darwin Awards winners

Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Witness Pierre Pumpille, of Lyon, France, who recently shunted a stationary car two feet by head-butting it. "Women thought I was a god," he explained from his hospital bed.

Deity or not, however, Pumpille is a veritable girl’s blouse compared to Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe’s most macho man by cutting off his own head. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men’s games." Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen icicles, but then one man seized a chainsaw and cut off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and crying "Watch this then!" — then swung at his own head and chopped it off.

"It’s funny," said one companion, "because when he was young he put on his sister’s underwear. But he died like a man."

7)
1995 Darwin Awards nominee

James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns’ clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

8)
1990 Darwin Awards nominee

A man tried to commit a robbery in Renton, Wash. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices:

1) The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop.

2) The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial portion of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places.

3) To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4) An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having coffee before reporting to duty.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn’t fire. No one else was hurt

9)

daylight savings time turned the tables on a group of Palestinian terrorists who had neglected to note that Israel had made a premature switch from daylight savings time to standard time due to a religious holiday. The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The drivers had already switched to standard time, and the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated.

10)

Seven firefighters decided to impress their chief by setting fire to a house, then heroically extinguishing the blaze. The men apparently hatched the plan in order to help a formerly fire-fighting friend return to duty. Unfortunately, the friend’s career plans were irreversibly snuffed when he became trapped while pouring gasoline inside the house.

11)

(August 25, 2010, Daejon, South Korea) An angry handicapped man, annoyed that an elevator departed w/out him, thinks(?) it over before ramming his wheelchair into the doors once, twice, 3 times in all. Success and failure combined as he gained access to the elevator, and plunged down the hole do his death

12)

(27 June 2009, New York) A severe storm damaged power lines and left 17,000 homes without electricity. Mieczyskaw Mil, 64, was one of the affected parties. His power line serviced only 17 homes and therefore was one of the last to be repaired. Seven hours after the line fell, Mieczyskaw Mil finally lost his patience. The old man had been shooed away repeatedly by firefighters who were guarding the power line. "Police and firefighters literally chased him away. We did everything we could," said Dick Martinkovic, commissioner of public safety in Sullivan County. But they were not prepared for the homeowner's sudden bold move. Frustrated with waiting, Mil emerged from his home shortly after midnight with an industrial power saw in his hand and plastic bags on his feet. He stood in a puddle of water and attempted to saw through a 4800-volt feeder line that was dangling off the pole. He fell and became tangled in the hissing and buzzing live wire. While emergency responders waited for utility workers to shut down the power, Mil was busy being killed by continuous electrocution.

Once again, thanks for reading (and I thank Schofner for the idea) please vote, comment and enjoy

FanPosts are written by community members. This is simply a way for community members to express opinions too long to be contained in a comment.

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