FanPost

Frozen Humor Dumb potpouri edition




Time for another post, concerning people's intelligence. Please vote in the poll, comment and enjoy

First up, Joe Biden

1) "when the stock market crashed FDR got on TV and didn't talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said 'Look, here's what happened.'"-Joe Biden unaware that FDR wasn't president in 1929 nor was there TV

2) "his mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. Wait, your mom is still alive? Your dad passed. God bless her soul"- Biden to Irish prime minister Brian Cowen

Next Up, DUM CRIMINALS

1) When an unnamed person's home was burglarized by two men, he found nothing disturbed or taken, until he went into his bedroom. Inside, he found the box holding his cat's cremated remains open and the ashes everywhere. Apparently the thieves thought they scored big and found marijuana, so they tried snorting it. Instead of finding themselves high, they snorted the cremated remains of a cat.

2) Rio De Janeiro- Nov. 5, 1993, "A thief was found stuck to Horizonte, 280 miles north of Rio", the papers reported. "Edliber Guimaeares, 19, stopped to sniff some of the glue he was stealing when two large cans fell to the floor, spilling over." "When police were called Thursday morning, Guimaeares was glued to the floor, asleep."

3) In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building. A few minutes later they returned, pulled out shotguns and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the bank employees or costumers, recognizing these idiots who could not figure out a revolving door, believed them. When they demanded 5000 pounds, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke. Disheartened, the gang leader, thinking he demanded too much, reduced his demand first to 500 pounds and as people continued to laugh, to 50 pounds and ultimately 50 pence. By this time the the bank employees and customers could barely control their laughter. Then one of the men jumped onto the counter waving his shotgun and demanding money and then fell and broke his leg. The other two then attempted a getaway but got stuck in the revolving doors for a second time, still unable to figure them out. The next people to help them get out were the police who came and arrested them.

FLLUBEDD HEDLINES

1) PECAN SCAB DISEASE CAUSING NUTS TO FALL OFF

2) DEER AND TURKEY HUNT FOR DISABLED PEOPLE

3) STATE SAYS COST OF SAVING MONEY TOO HIGH

4) COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFS GROWING UGLY

Court Transcripts

1)

Lawer- Doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff, is the young lady pregnant?

Witness- The young lady is pregnant but not as a result of my examination.

2)

Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"

Witness: "The victim lived."

3)(and my favorite transcript)

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Lawsuits

1)A suspected burglar and attempted murderer has brought a lawsuit against the man he allegedly tried to kill.

Apparently, the burglar did not like that his intended victim shot back at him, reports CBS News.

You know this country is overly litigious when even suspected criminals can sue their alleged victims for violence. The plaintiff/criminal suspect, Samuel Cutrufelli, allegedly kicked in the door of 90-year-old Jay Leone's California home. Leone was ordered not to move as Cutrufelli scoured the house for valuables.

After some time, Leone told the burglar that he needed to use the bathroom. But instead of a potty break, Leone went to retrieve his .357 revolver.

2) A Hong Kong couple is suing an education consultant because the couple's two children did not get into Harvard. They got into two other Ivy League schools instead. Heaven forbid!

The couple says that they hired the Boston-area consultant and handed over $2 million to help get their two sons into the hallowed halls of Harvard, reports ABC.

The money reportedly went to getting their sons into top prep schools in the U.S. and eventually into Harvard. However, the plan did not go accordingly, and the unnamed children were forced to spend their undergraduate years someplace outside of Cambridge like New Haven, Providence, or if they were truly unlucky, Ithaca.

3)The wizard lawsuit is another funny one: A man who sued two famous magicians because their tricks are defying the laws of physics and thus using godly powers. And since he himself claims to be god they are therefore using his powers without his permission. (The judged stared at him for a minute, started laughing for ten minutes and declared it frivolous and through it out of court. Wonder if the guy sued the judge for doing that?)

Again, please enjoy and comment on your favorite from each category. The next one will probably be next Sunday.

FanPosts are written by community members. This is simply a way for community members to express opinions too long to be contained in a comment.

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