1. The Detroit Lions will trade all of their picks in the NFL draft for the number one selection.... Their pick will be Nebraskas special teams unit.

2. Rodger Goodell will go insane with power suspending players, coaches, tv personalities, the fans at home, then ultimately himself.

3. T.O will make a comeback with the Jets. Rex Ryan will start him at WR, DE, longsnapper, CB offensive coordinator, and RB.

4. The Dallas Cowboys will lose every game... Intentionally. When asked why they're losing on purpose Jerry Jones will say, "losing? We're winning the Matt Barkley sweepstakes!"

5. Jeff Fisher will win coach of the year and GQ's best mustache.

6. Desperate to stop his fumbling issues Michael Vick will consult a therapist. "Imagine the ball is something precious, like a baby, and egg, or a pup....baby..."

7. 18 more cheerleaders will admit to fornicating with the same minor... He will change his name to "Luckiest guy on Earth!"

8. Eli Manning will lead the Giants into San Francisco. To protect Eli, Patrick Willis will be blocked exclusively by Justin Tuck. The two will collide, and that's how Armagedon happens.

9. Peyton Manning will win comeback player of the year, he will thank the organization, teammates, fans, and will promptly be billed for 250,000 Papa Johns pizzas no one ate.

10. Cam Newton will bounce back throwing 15 tds and rushing for 24. He will thank Vince Young for inspiring him not to fail.