I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT!

new clothing line Young Whales. There has been reports that Japanese fishing boats have targeted young persons wearing the Young Whales merchandise. Greenpeace has also been seen targeting the Japanese whaling ships. Reports have shown that these young people have had harpoons shot in their direction but no injuries have been reported. When asked, Victor Cruz’s replied with this statement, “How in the hell does Japanese fishing boats show up in the US on dry land?”.

Patriot WR Wes Welker has been selling his own foot fetish videos out of the back seat of his car. Welker, who last year mocked Jet Head Coach Rex Ryan for the fetish video leaked online featuring Rex’s wife, has not commented on this story. Welker was last seen wearing flip-flops without socks outside a Boston area restaurant.

Jason Pierre Paul picked up by the Coast Guard for illegally smuggling Haitian Immigrants into Florida. Reports indicate this a part of a larger conspiracy to overwhelm garage sales in metro areas across the US in devious attempts to pressure folks into selling stuff for fifty cents that they wanted to get a dollar for.

Damn I wish I didn’t haver to go, I’d like to read some more of these. And come up with another one!

that New England Patriots WR/PR/CB/QB Julian Edelman is guilty of numerous crimes, including identity theft. ‘Julian Edelman’ is merely an alias, and his real name is actually Jason Sehorn. Sehorn, in a last-ditch effort to impress his wife, Angie Harmon, and save their marriage, began taking acting classes from Robert Pattinson shortly after he faked a knee injury in order to “retire”, and came up with his alter ego Edelman as part of an elaborate hoax. He chose to sign with the New England Patriots because his wife was having an affair with their head coach, and noted adulterer, Bill Belichick. He plans to reveal his true identity after winning the Super Blow, to win back his wife’s heart, and to continue his life-long mission of cruelly breaking the hearts of the NYG fanbase.