Any Onion Readers?

by HughG16 on Jan 2, 2012 4:09 PM EST

Hakeem Nicks, Wide Receiver. Smoove B, Onion Love Columnist. Same person? You never see them together...

Smoove B.

"I am capable of bringing you to a state of freakstasy that no other man could ever bring you to. You can try to find this level of sexual satisfaction with some other man, but know that if you break from Smoove, I cannot guarantee that I will still be single when you realize that only I can satisfy all your senses. Then, you would be living in a cold, cruel, Smoove-less world, and I would not wish that upon you. You are too special to me.

Damn, girl, you need to take the rest of the day off so I can break you off doggy-style in my bathroom."

Hakeem N.

"I am capable of bringing you to a state of freakstasy that no other wideout could ever bring you to. You can try to find this level of football-catching satisfaction with some other player, but know that if you break from Hakeem, I cannot guarantee that I will still be single-covered when you realize that only I can satisfy all your pass plays. Then, you would be living in a cold, cruel, Hakeem-less world, and I would not wish that upon you. You are too special to me.

Damn, Kevin Glibride, you need to take the rest of the day off so I can break you off doggy-style in my bathroom."

It's uncanny.

FanPosts are written by community members. This is simply a way for community members to express opinions too long to be contained in a comment.

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Comments

Uhhhh...

…I can explain.

Look at them hands...

by RaultheDreaded on Jan 2, 2012 4:32 PM EST reply actions

hahaha

love the onion

by bistroburrito on Jan 2, 2012 6:12 PM EST reply actions

Hilarious

nywins42 needs a new screen name - "nywins46" sounds great!

Just ordered FatHeads for all available Giants. Now I have something to aim at when punching holes in my wall.

by nywins42 on Jan 2, 2012 7:07 PM EST reply actions

I'm telling you...

Every time he catches a pass I imagine him telling the DB:

“To make up for all the ~~foolish things I said~~ passes I’m catching on your ass today, I will escort you to my crib, where I will prepare for you a romantic meal comprised of succulent lobster from the finest sea. We will both eat the lobster and enjoy a side dish of rice with it. There will also be a baked potato waiting for you, and some butter for you to place upon that potato. In addition, there will be sour cream, which you may also put on the potato if you so desire.”

“I will also serve juice. "

11/1/2010

by HughG16 on Jan 2, 2012 8:02 PM EST reply actions 1 recs