FanPost

Any Onion Readers?


Hakeem Nicks, Wide Receiver. Smoove B, Onion Love Columnist. Same person? You never see them together...

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Smoove B.

"I am capable of bringing you to a state of freakstasy that no other man could ever bring you to. You can try to find this level of sexual satisfaction with some other man, but know that if you break from Smoove, I cannot guarantee that I will still be single when you realize that only I can satisfy all your senses. Then, you would be living in a cold, cruel, Smoove-less world, and I would not wish that upon you. You are too special to me.

Damn, girl, you need to take the rest of the day off so I can break you off doggy-style in my bathroom."

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Hakeem N.

"I am capable of bringing you to a state of freakstasy that no other wideout could ever bring you to. You can try to find this level of football-catching satisfaction with some other player, but know that if you break from Hakeem, I cannot guarantee that I will still be single-covered when you realize that only I can satisfy all your pass plays. Then, you would be living in a cold, cruel, Hakeem-less world, and I would not wish that upon you. You are too special to me.

Damn, Kevin Glibride, you need to take the rest of the day off so I can break you off doggy-style in my bathroom."


It's uncanny.

FanPosts are written by community members. This is simply a way for community members to express opinions too long to be contained in a comment.

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