Yo Eli, I was thinking about writing an awesome Fanpost about the awesomest team in the awesomest professional football league and why there's no doubt they are going to have the most awesome season because it's boring as hell around here, and someone needs to put a little awesome sauce on these ribs. What say you to that?
That's what I thought Jigga Boo. Let's peek into Pandora's Box.
The following is a list of statistically flawless deductions that are are without question, 100%, lock it up going to happen over the course of the 2011 New York Giants football season (unless they don't).
- The New York Giants will start the season 6-2 or better.
Since 2005, the New York Giants have compiled a 36-12 record in the first eight games over the last six seasons, starting the season off 6-2 or better every year SVACB* in that time. Oft criticized as a team that is wildly inconsistent, not too many franchises have seen the same success in the first half of seasons that the Giants have on such a regular basis. Looking at the schedule, and noticing that the Giants start the season with six of its first eight games against teams that did not manage to post a .500 record last year, even mere simpletons could gather the Giants will get off to another hot start.
- The New York Giants will have a Top 10 Defense, while sacking mad amounts of quarterbacks.
Since 2007, the Giants have finished 7th or better in total defense SVACB. While turnovers, rushing defense, and passing defense have not been consistently great or terrible over the course of the last four seasons, one stat has shined through. The Giants finish 6th or better in total sacks every single year since 2007 SVACB, doing it a total of four times out of the last six seasons. With JPP coming on strong towards the end of last year, that's only one more wild man for opposing quarterbacks to have nightmares about on an already stout front four. Sacks will no doubt be plentiful. With that in mind, taking into consideration the Giants added depth at key positions in the draft, and now having Perry Fewell's scheme one year under their belts, a top 10 defense is what us Giants fans will again be treated to in 2011.
- The New York Giants will be in the playoff hunt.
Some teams suck. It just happens. The Raiders for example, have only posted one season better than 5-11 since 2003. Consistent suck. Thankfully, since 2005 the New York Giants have avoided the suck like the plague. Every year since 2005 they have been a large player in the playoff picture SVACB. Last year, while the Giants did not make the playoffs, they compiled a 10-6 record and were once again in the hunt. Making the playoffs in four of the last six seasons, and flirting with the Wild Card last year its easy to see that with Tom Coughlin at Head Coach, and Eli Manning at quarterback this team will always have a shot at the Post-Season, and in turn a shot at a fourth Super Bowl title. Speaking of Eli Manning...
- Eli Manning will start every game, take more sacks, throw more touchdowns, and frustrate you.
Eli Manning is Mr. Consistent. He has started 103 consecutive games (110 when counting the playoffs), has thrown for over 3200 yards, and over 20 touchdowns every year since becoming the full time starter in New York. Over the last three years his touchdown totals have gone up, up, and up again. Going from 21 in 2008, to 27 in 2009, to 31 in 2010. A trend that shows no signs of slowing down, especially when taking into considering the retarded number of injured wide receivers he had to deal with last year. His turnover numbers might scare an uneducated few, but one glaring statistic stands out. Eli Manning had never been sacked less than 25 times in a full season before last year, when he was sacked a league fewest 16 times. Coughlin hopes for Eli to take a few more sacks, he will oblige to bring that number closer to his previous career average of 27.4, leading to less forced throws, and less turnovers. This is not to say there will not be forced throws, left handed passes, and idiotic tosses into double coverage. There will be those as well, because it's Eli God Damn Gunslinger Manning and he does what he wants.
- The schedule says five, but there's actually six.
To the untrained eye it would appear that the G-Men finish the season with five of their last seven games coming at home. The more savvy fanatic will quickly realize that on December the 11th at 8:20 pm the Giants play somewhere called "Cowboys Stadium". This is an obvious mis-print as last year "Cowboys Stadium" was re-named the New New Meadowlands Stadium. Since it's opening in 2009, the Giants have posted a 2-0 record, putting up an incredible 74 points in those two games. Led by Eli Manning's 634 yards and six touchdowns, Steve Smith's 19 catches for 233 yards and two touchdowns, and Mario Manningham's 13 catches for 190 yards and two touchdowns, the offense has made themselves right at home in the Meadowlands South. Not to be completely outdone, the defense has added three interceptions, three sacks, and two forced fumbles in those two games. If ever there were a "road game" to play in December, this be the one.
- The New York Giants will sweep the Philadelphia Eagles.
Obviously the Giants have not done well against the Eagles in recent years, not having defeated them since November 9th, 2008. What the fluck has happened? How on earth have the Eagles been able to consistently squeak by the obviously superior New York Giants on such a consistent basis? You can dig, dig, and dig all you want through all of the statistics that your little internets will bring, but this answer is far more obvious than any number can provide. It falls under the human condition. Prior to November 9th, 2008 only one dramatic change had occurred to the Giants roster, and that is the absence of one Plaxico Burress. Plaxico was an Eagle killer, always finding his way to the back of the end zone in crucial moments of the game. Prior to the loss of Burress the Giants were a comfortable 5-1 against the Eagles dating back to 2005, and showed no signs of slowing down. However, it is obvious that the team had become so stricken with grief once Plaxico was sent to prison, they could not fully escape the negative thoughts of their fellow friend and team mate behind bars every time they faced off against the inferior squad from the Philly. When Michael Vick was added to the Eagles roster, this only compounded the problem as they couldn't get past what they felt was a very unfair situation regarding their individual sentences. Now that Plaxico is free from his cell, the Giants can rest easy knowing their friend is once again working, and providing for his family. With this grief gorilla of of their back, they will no doubt get back to the domination of Philadelphia we had become used prior to that unfortunate incident in 2008.
*Season Value-adjusted for C.C. Brown
There you have it Giants fans. You can lock these up, throw away the key, and take it to the bank.