Jared Lorenzen Alive and Well in the UIFL

by Jim Schmiedeberg on May 18, 2011 6:00 PM EDT in New York Giants News

I have to admit, I didn't even know the UIFL existed. But the "Ultimate Indoor Football League" does indeed exist, and according to The National Football Post, one of its.....ahem....biggest stars is none other than former New York Giants backup Jared Lorenzen.

The Ultimate Indoor Football League is a six team league in small Mid-western towns like Canton, OH, and Johnstown, PA, and Lorenzen is currently playing in his home state with the Northern Kentucky River Monsters.

"The Hefty Lefty", "The Pillsbury Throwboy", "J.Load", "The Round Mound of First Downs", "He Ate Me", never in NFL history has such a marginal player garnered so many nicknames, but as my wife will tell you: everyone loves a fat guy.

From the article: (click link for full story)

At first, Lorenzen was hired to be the general manager.

However, he couldn't resist playing again.

He ranks second in the league with 69 touchdown passes, averaging 256.5 yards per game with a 107.1 passer rating.

As you can imagine, not much defense is played in the league, where teams regularly score 60 or 70 points. Imagine throwing 69 TD passes in a 12 game season and finishing second in the league in that category?

Also, according to his Wikipedia page, Jared serves as the QB coach of his at his alma mater, Highlands High School, in Fort Thomas, Ky.

Jared, on behalf of athletic guys with expanding waistlines everywhere, we salute you!

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Comments

My personal favorite nickname for him:

QBese.

Creator of the NFC East Eternal Threads

Proud resident of BBV, BGN, MTD

by BigBlueIntervention on May 18, 2011 6:18 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs

that's just perfect!!

sigh...

by nywins42 on May 18, 2011 7:04 PM EDT up reply actions

Is there a way you can add this photo to your article? http://cmsimg.nky.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=AB&Date=20110517&Category=SPT&ArtNo=105180348&Ref=V1&MaxW=600&Border=0

by MattDodge4MVP on May 18, 2011 6:46 PM EDT reply actions

Let's just

Add it right here.

by Ed Valentine on May 18, 2011 7:16 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs

forget hynoski. re-sign him.

Creator of the NFC East Eternal Threads

Proud resident of BBV, BGN, MTD

by BigBlueIntervention on May 18, 2011 7:20 PM EDT up reply actions

he kinda reminds me of Dynamo from Running Man

anyone remember that movie….

FIX IT

by andiamo708 on May 18, 2011 7:59 PM EDT up reply actions

BAM!

by trueblue63 on May 18, 2011 8:25 PM EDT up reply actions

Good call

"Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next."

by Larry Soprano on May 18, 2011 8:50 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

Hey Christmas Tree!!!!!!!!!

Of course that is if there is a season.

by Flynner on May 18, 2011 9:37 PM EDT up reply actions

There's nothing funny about a d!ckless moron with a battery up his arse.

“I’ll show you d!ckless…” LOL

The football team in my school, they were tough! After they sacked the quarterback they went after his family.

by Handsome Stranger on May 19, 2011 12:41 AM EDT up reply actions

ed

is that a real picture or did you photoshop Lorenzen’s head on Andy Reid’s body?

Of course that is if there is a season.

by Flynner on May 18, 2011 9:39 PM EDT up reply actions

It's a real picture

by Ed Valentine on May 18, 2011 10:12 PM EDT up reply actions

What seriously?

Thats really him? He looks like private pyle

by Oppenheimer919 on May 19, 2011 9:40 AM EDT up reply actions

nice

sigh...

by nywins42 on May 18, 2011 11:08 PM EDT up reply actions

Greatest

Picture ever

"Sack-Forced Fumble-TD against any QB in the history of the NFL.... honestly, It would probably be Eli because I see him in pratice and we can't touch him (laughs)" - Justin Tuck

by The Always Well Dressed... on May 18, 2011 11:26 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions

I dunno but

That looks a heck of lot more than 290lbs to me.

The football team in my school, they were tough! After they sacked the quarterback they went after his family.

by Handsome Stranger on May 19, 2011 12:43 AM EDT up reply actions

I believe he was listed at 323 lbs.

Creator of the NFC East Eternal Threads

Proud resident of BBV, BGN, MTD

by BigBlueIntervention on May 19, 2011 1:23 AM EDT up reply actions

Awesome.

Go get ’em, big boy.

by TNYFBG on May 18, 2011 7:03 PM EDT reply actions

WOW!

I never thought i’d see a player who could play both ways, at QB….and DT!!!

by Masakari on May 18, 2011 9:42 PM EDT reply actions

Is it a league rule....

that you have to wear the number of pizzas you’ve consumed for lunch as your number?

by Cranky50 on May 18, 2011 10:24 PM EDT reply actions

oh snap

sigh...

by nywins42 on May 18, 2011 11:08 PM EDT up reply actions

Glad he is keeping in shape.... I guess

As for his nicknames, The Battleship Lorenzen is my favorite. A close second is ‘fat ass with the rocket pass’.

"Sack-Forced Fumble-TD against any QB in the history of the NFL.... honestly, It would probably be Eli because I see him in pratice and we can't touch him (laughs)" - Justin Tuck

by The Always Well Dressed... on May 18, 2011 11:30 PM EDT via mobile reply actions

He Ate Me

Now that’s my favorite one.

I wonder whatever happened to the original He Hate Me from the good ole XFL?

The football team in my school, they were tough! After they sacked the quarterback they went after his family.

by Handsome Stranger on May 19, 2011 12:46 AM EDT reply actions

The only way

this story would be better if was Bomar was his starting center

by BigBlue82 on May 19, 2011 6:38 AM EDT reply actions

Basically Semi Pro

The beauty of the UIFL is guys that play for that little pay are definitely doing it for the love. The bad part is that you’re risking your body for a couple hundred bucks a game… maybe.

by AlvinG on May 19, 2011 9:20 AM EDT reply actions

@ Handsome Stranger

he hate me’s real name was rod smart after the one season in the xfl he never really did much but he was one of the few players to make an nfl roster from the xfl he played for like 4 seasone with the panthers he played mainly on special teams and actually led the special teams in tackles one year i dnt think hes played since like 2005

with the 19th pick in the 2011 NFL Draft the New York Football Giants select PG Nolan Smith out of Duke University

by colinlovestheknicks on May 19, 2011 11:15 AM EDT reply actions

Thx.

Yeah, I remember how they talked up the XFL’s “extreme” side so much that the league stood no chance of living up to the expectations. If I remember correctly, it was Vince McMahon’s brain child, I think.

The football team in my school, they were tough! After they sacked the quarterback they went after his family.

by Handsome Stranger on May 19, 2011 11:36 PM EDT up reply actions