What Giants' Coughlin, Reese really want to say about Burress

Both New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin and General Manager Jerry Reese have spoken about troubled wide receiver Plaxico Burress in the past few days.

Both have sounded conciliatory. I doubt, though, that they are quite so nice in private when the subject turns to Burress. Here is what a conversation between them probably sounds like.

Coughlin: Hey, Jerry, you know I wish we didn't have to say all these hopeful things about this idiot. He just screwed up what might have been the best two-year run in franchise history, and I'm still ticked off about it.

Reese: I hear you, Tom, but we have to play the game. There is money and grievances and legal crap and being able to get something for him in a trade to worry about. We have to make nice for now. You can rip him later -- after we dump his sorry butt!

Coughlin: Yeah, yeah ... I know. But if it wasn't for this guy they might be calling me the best coach in Giants history. And, and, and ... they might be starting to craft my Hall of Fame bust.

Reese: Easy, Tom, easy. Your face is getting all red -- kinda like it did in Green Bay during that NFC Championship Game.

Coughlin: OK, OK. Question, though. If we have to have him around next season can we implement a team rule allowing coaches to bring guns to practice? That way, anyone who isn't five minutes early to meetings gets shot in the leg. We can just tell the commissioner that the gun slipped down the players' pant leg.

Reese: That's a helluva good idea, Tom. I don't think the commissioner will go along with it, though. Maybe we better pass on that one.

Coughlin: (Heavy sigh!!). Ahh, I supposed you're right. Maybe we can hire chaperones for him, though. They can make sure he gets here on time, stays out of trouble in night clubs and all that stuff. Shoot, they might even be able to drive his kid to school.

Reese: Now there is an idea I can do something about! Let me call Jerry Jones, he has experience with that sort of stuff. I'll bet he can recommend someone.

Coughlin: Go for it, Jerry. I don't want this punk wrecking another season for us.

Reese: Maybe we can convince the commissioner to just suspend him for the whole season. Then, we can cut him and be done with this mess.

You get the idea. The more I think about it, the more I believe TC and JR are posturing, saying what they have to say to put themselves in the best position possible to get something in return when they eventually cut ties with Burress. To be honest, at least that is what I hope they are doing.

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